It's Sunday again, do you know what that means? L Word day! Leisha Hailey, Kate Moennig ... *eee* <3 <3 <3 I so love Sunday nights. OH! & I FINALLY saw Sex & the City yesterday. I am officially in love with gladiator heels, spiky black waist belt & the vivienne westwood wedding dress. & whats more the boy escorted me, yes yes, amongst a see of female cinema goers there was my lovely 'ol english lad, what a sport! & now he knows what I want in a man & romance & life & etc. Give me shoes, dresses & Mr Big. & a fucking insanely amazing manhatten penthouse, thanks? Ok. I'll settle for London with a big bed & some form of hanging space & shoe rack... but still desire Mr Big like sexiness. ANYWAY.

In other, more boring, news, got SO much to do this week. & it all MUST happen this week.

+ get passport photos done
+ go to post office to get postal order (for visa)
+ send away visa app
+ doctors appt tuesday
+ work tomorrow
+ write more for TL

& i'm sure there is a whole heap of other travel/visa ish type things that i've totally forgotten because that stuff doesnt seem like much at alls... uhuh. Anyways. This week is actually super exciting. On Thursday the boy & I are picking up a hire car to drive across Arthurs Pass to Fox Glacier. On Friday we are doing a full day guided hike (if I go blog awol it's because i've fallen off a glacier/dyed from 7 hours of continuous exercise), Saturday we are driving to Queenstown to meet my mum & sis... then party & eat fergburgers, Sunday we are doing a day trip to Milford Sound. Travelling = fun. Who needs to be serious, gown up & career minded anyhow, huh?

I'm such a nerd. I've spent the most part of today cleaning out my disgusting pig sty of google & IE bookmarks and tweaking Tres Lola site design. So I am now switching off and unplugging my gorgeous lil vaio, as we are far too attached (seriously, my boyfriend has actually told me the amount of time I spend on here 'concerns' him, but this is from a guy so tech stupid that he accidently created 2 facebook profiles so meh, right?). Until next time ... I'm off for my hour of girl crushing <3

Allllllllllllllrighty then!! It's Friday night & I'm feeling alright. That would be the wine... and fact that there is only one more 3.5 hour shift until i'm free for 48 hours. Weeee. Is it bad that the highlights of my week were the fact that for the past four days I've had time to write articles for TL while at my day job, & that we got free mini pies for morning tea, sushi for lunch and that I hear Nsync's Bye Bye Bye on the radio this arvy (yes, some station in NZ still has this song on rotation)?

The boy and I have not fought for weeks and I am super proud of that. & we are going to Fox Glacier & Queenstown next week. So sooo excited about that! (FERGBURGER!)

Anyways, gotta go, drink wine, eat nachos and watch Shortland Street. (PS: Oh ew, Riley & Callum, grossest TV couple EVER!).

Argghhhh. The coke machine in my building conveniently doesn't tell you if certain items are sold out until you've already put the money in. I just had to have a diet coke instead of a coke. RIPPED OFF!!! Diet coke sucks HARD. Grr.

In other news, I actually have 5 days work this week (this is exciting in the world of a temp).. 5 days of 12.5 hour days... double shift days, starting at 8am... finishing at 11:30pm... breaks in between of course, but not a whole lot of time for sleep. & i'm the kind of girl who needs her sleep. So come Friday I will be gagging for a pint or seven & absolutely hanging for a good sleep in on Saturday.

In two weeks time I'll be having a WHOLE week off though! Mum & my younger sister are over from Oz for the week- I'm meeting them in Queenstown. The plan is actually, providing all things go well, for me & the boy to take Thurs & Fri off work... drive across Arthurs Pass to Fox Glacier... do a hike through the glacier, drive down to Queenstown and meet up with Mum & my sis... then do a trip out to Milford Sound... Fun fun!

At least this week, between scrubbing loo's and answering phones, I'll have something super exciting to look forward too. That and oh.. ENGLAND! Eeepeep. Applying for Visa this week. I really am! I swear! Still gotta get passport photos, copy of bank statement.. and I think thats it. Winner. Damn I hope they don't reject it. I'm so paranoid I'll be that one loser that gets denied. That would so screw up my only plan for beyond tomorrow. Anyways, not gunna happen right? Hope not, as I plan to book flights... like.. this weekend. Maybe. (not sure if I can be that confident ahhhhhhhhhhh!). Aight. I'm just rambling now.

Ok it's almost time for my daily Shortie fix.. so I'm off.. to watch, eat, clean & sleep (then do it all over again).

It's Friday it's fridayyyyy it's fridayyyyyy! Not that I'm at all excited about THAT. One more shift, as in the night one where I get to wear sexy latex gloves and dance about grotty bathrooms with a mop & toilet brush, noice, it's totally the best way I could think to spend my friday night! Nah man. But it's kinda okay. I'm out at 11:30pm, in time for a bit of party party & beer swilling. Not sure if I will be headin' out on the turps tonight though, maybe a few quiet bevvys next over at SOL square (fat eddies! piano player + erdinger on tap = happy katie)...

Tomorrow should be a good one. Weather is supposed to be substantially warmer than the 1 degree frosty AM's we've have of late. Got tickets to the rugby with the boy. England vs All Blacks. Woohoo. Should be a good one. Though feel England will probably get thrashed. All Blacks are too good - - Rugby is NZ's game.

I'm heaps enjoying Shortland Street at the moment (tv nerd tv nerd!) ... will miss it when I go to England. Then I suppose I'll have to get into like.. what do they have there? Hollyoaks, Coronation Street... meh.

Eeep excited about the premiere of Ad Man this Sunday. I miss working in television and getting to be excited about television all day... and get paid for it. Anyways. Am off to find some grub.

Still haven't sent Visa application. Still need to get passport photos or app. Must do these things this weekend or England may not happen at all. Scary thought.

OK - so I managed to get my hands on that Lets Go Europe book. Nobody found my hidy hole (i win at life). I also did laundry (mum'd be proud). I wrote an article for TL about being green. I made time for several coffees. & probably most productive of all: sat in the park with the boy planning our jaunt around NZ.

We have come to the realisation that we absolutely will not be able drive around the entire country in 12-14 days. Yeah I know right, duh. Theres too much awesome to see. We have decided we'll need to break the trip up. Take a few days off work one week and have say, a 5 days weekend, to drive Arthurs Pass to the West Coast to see Fox Glacier then down to Queenstown, out to Milford Sound for the day and back up to Christchurch. Phewwww. Then, the week before we fly out to the UK we'll head from Christchurch up to Nelson & Picton, then over to Wellington and up through to fly out of Auckland with a few stops off along the way (Lake Taupo etc).

So once our brains were fried with travel plans we stopped for mid afternoon lunch & a beer in SOL Square. We did a little more planning before heading back out to the english pub last night to watch the Rugby (England v NZ then Australia v Ireland). Was actually a really great night - probably because I only had 2 beers. I seriously had a way better night last night than I have in ages... The boy was super cute too. He was a bit pissy, I suppose I noticed more because I wasn't... and he spent the entire night telling me how beautiful I was. But then he was also telling me how wonderful & beautiful I was in the park earlier that day - we've had such a great weekend together, it's so nice to just be happy & have no bullshit and drama. But yeah, football + beer + pub + boy = great 'ol night.

Now I gotta go finish up a few more articles for TL that have been sitting on my hard drive half written for weeks now... and then settle in for a night of fabulous tellie- Ugly Betty & Greys & Men In Trees Finales... then The L Word (freakin prime, no l word tonight). Ah tis love love, am making nachos for dinner (because I'm all for health & shiz). Til next time ....

Ahhhh Saturday, how I love thee. I slept in until nearly 10am which means I got a whole 10 hours sleep last night. Stellar. No work for another 48 hours, also stellar. I have a whole buncha stuff I need to get done though....

1. Finish half written articles for TL & post post post. I hate that I only have time to spend on that site on the weekends, the blogosphere works faster than that, I hate not being able to keep up with my own baby... I don't want it to die in the arse just because I am working 2 jobs and all that shiz.

2. Go to library and buy the 'Lets Go: Europe on a budget' book I hid on shift last night - it's going for like $2!! I had to have it. Bet some super sleuth has found it on me ha.

3. Laundry. I've been putting off doing a load of whites for like a fortnight now and I just CAN NOT sleep on these sheets another night without them being freshly laundered & fabulous.

4. Meet the boy for coffee & baby spotting (it's what we do. little kids are funny, like when they are just learning to walk and they hold both their arms out wide and lift their knees real high when taking steps and its almost as if their legs just can't stop, momentum carries them until they fall down, its great).

5. Plan route for NZ trip. We were going to do Kiwi Explorer but might be hiring a car or campervan and doing our own thing as will prolly be effloads cheaper and being as we are on our way to London, conserving funds is quite important.

In other news, I've been purusing a website called 'Secs in the City' (har har, geddit!?) which is for admin type jobs in London; just to get an idea of what I might expect to get paid and to see what sort of jobs are going. BUT perhaps am getting somewhat ahead of myself as I STILL havent sent in my visa app. I am pretty much done filling out the paperwork, I just need to print off bank statements & get some passport photos taken. I still have 10 weeks before I'm meant to leave, plenty of time.. right? (unless they reject my app, which will be rather devastating and I don't have a back up plan so lets hope this doesn't eventuate). Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh ok. Laundry time.

I tweeted on it yesterday but I'll say it again: from television station to cleaning loo's... the jobs we do while travelling (or on the way to travelling). Every night when I'm peering down a loo, I remind myself it's all gunna be worth it in the end- having the extra beer money for the UK & all. So now, toilet bowls and England are inextricably linked in my mind. Although I'm sure once I touch down in the UK I can replace loo's with say, pints, sticky tube rides & strolls through the park laughing at squirrels & such.

You know, just randomly, when I started this cleaning job a few weeks back, the supervisor cleaning lady pulled out a mop & bucket, looked at me slightly concerned and says "have you used one of these before?". I must have looked like a bit of a princess that night, or something.

I don't mind the job too much though, it's just the hours that are killing me. I work my day shift as an office temp, then come home for a few hours, then head back out to clean... by the time I get in it's close to midnight so I only get about 7 or 8 hours sleep and I'm such baby about my sleep. I need a lot of it! (or a lot of caffiene to substitute). & on that note, I shall retire to my quarters, aharrr. &.. think I shall appoint tomorrow to be katies-lazy-therefore-pizza-for-din-dins-day! Mmmmmmmmmm pizza.

The sun is shining. It's actually warm out. I have sushi & a chocolate muffin. Dr Phil is on. I don't have to be at work for another 7 or so hours.

I've had my GP appointment already. I cryed all the way over there. & I know I would've just walked on by the surgery if the boy wasn't there holding my hand. I know I've ragged on him as off late but he was there for me today. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. & now I think I might be okay. It was just hard because I am quite critical of people who can't help themselves, those who know they are messed up but continue to mess up & to realise you are exactly that type of person - that you possess all those characteristics you are so disgusted to see in others... it's hard. I felt half like I was admitting defeat today and half like I was making a huge step towards a better future. The way I feel isn't rational but if knowing that was enough I would've felt fantastic ages ago. Acknowledging your problem might be the first step but no amount of awareness on its own will help. Today was a big day.

That's all. No more emotional bullshit blogging. On & up. Afterall, I'm leaving for the UK in just over 2 months. 2 MONTHS! Best get started on that visa paperwork....

The colours of this site don't suit me much. It's like a strange push, like my websites brightness is overcompensating for the fact that how I feel most always is black & grey. Not red yellow green or blue. Sometimes I feel so black that I forget yellow exists. Sometimes I feel so black for so long I forget that it's not okay or normal. But what is normal? And am I insane just because someone else tells me so? I'm so messed up over the whole thing with the boyfriend. I don't understand how you can be with someone for so long, & go through so much (moving countries, jobs, travel, houses) & still be unsure as to whether you love them or ever will. I knew I loved him from close on the start and to know he still doesn't is rejection on a grand scale. It almost makes me feel selfish for still being in it, like I'm chaining him to a relationship that deep down he doesn't, in fact, want. He's walked out on me two weekends in a row now. & I don't know if it's me or him anymore.

What I feel is so fucked and irrational that I know I must be wrong. My reactions to everything are so off. When anyone else would just feel a little down, I hole up and cannot get out of bed, I get deliriously emotional and become this messy wreck. I can't really remember ever not feeling this way though. I mean, this time it's him thats made me feel insane... but there has always been something. I know why I feel the way I do, I've talked my feelings and experiences to death. I hate doing the whole 'woe is me' talk. It is so fucking cliche, my story. & I'm all too aware there are so many people out there worse off than me that deal with their situations and lead fabulous lives without feeling like this. So why can't I? Why can't I just get the fuck over it all.

Talking doesn't make the world a more hopeful place to be. I know what I need to get better. He's given me an ultimatum. He wants me to want to get better, & I do, but I know without him threatening the relationship, I wouldn't do anything about it now. I know I wouldn't put myself through talking about it with some random GP again, just in the hopes that they'd fix me. I can live with this. But I feel like I can't live without him. Not after everything, everything I've given up for the illustrious "us". There has to be some rationality to me making all the choices I've made over the last year. Fate didn't allow me to do all that and lose out in the end, did it? Noone else has been a constant and I don't know why I feel I need one now. Maybe because last weekend he told me he never wanted to leave me, he wanted to be there for me forever... and I was silly enough to believe that. I'm willing to try. I know my kind of crazy is not a good kind of crazy for a the average joe that is my boyfriend.

Tomorrow is a big step forward for me. But God help me if the suggestion I'm given is to speak to someone, the only referral I need is to the pharmacy,,, If talking could help I'd be the most fabulously stable women in the world.


& that ends the most emotional & personal of all posts. Probably entirely inappropriate for airing to the world. But someday I'd like to read this and know that I'm in a much better place. I want to read this and remember that crazy was bad... and that normal is much much better... & so for that, this stays. Blog, out. Sleep time.

I love the bit in The Holiday where Jude Law tells Cameron Diaz that she's already better than she thinks. He is incredibly sexy, really.

Deleted post as, in the words of my hero Ms Bridget Jones, I was so stupid, I didn't mean what I meant ... The entry went a little something like this:


Blah blah blah whinge blah whinge whinge. Thank god for for vodka.

Why is it that whenever I have time to sit down and write I just can't get the words out. & whenever I don't have time to write I'm running around to try and find a pen so that I can jot an idea down on the inside of my arm. I've been at my computer for hours now and all I have for it is a numb arse. I can't focus on all the seemingly great ideas I thought up during the week. I've twittered, flickred, emailed, blogged but nothing as constructive as some half decent writing for treslola. Still not entirely proud of that site yet.. like I wouldn't show it to anyone I know IRL - & i think thats the test.

Fall Out Boy live on C4, well .. not live so much as filmed at a concert of theirs and replayed through on my tellie right now. Nothing like emo rock on a rainy day. Pete Wentz playing guitar in a hoody. Who wears a hoody on stage? Really?

Gotta fill out UK visa forms. Theres like 20 pages or something insane. It's gunna take me hours.

Going to see Sex & the City with the boy tonight, if the rain eases. Super fab the boy is coming, really didn't think he would, he tells me of course he would, for me, he wouldn't want me to go alone. Kind hearted soul he is. Sex & the City really is the domain of girlfriends, rather than boyfriends, theres just not much there for the male mind, seeings as how its becoming an increasingly publicised fact that men find the sex girls unsexy. I say if they're unsexy then what hope do the rest of us Ms Averages' have? Geezzz.

I've been a bit mia on here lately, a bit of a case of if you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. And with a whole heap of silly boyfriend drama of late I figured the don't say anything at all policy fit best. As of Sunday, however, we are more than okay and I can start feeling half excited about going to the UK with him.

Super exciting news: We've set a date to leave Christchurch, 8 August. We'll spend a couple of weeks tripping around NZ before flying out of Auckland to London. So soon! I haven't even applied for my working holiday visa yet... though I'm not too stressed about that because I spoke with the Visa First people yesterday and they said I'd should be fine, should get my application processed in 4 - 5 weeks. I guess the problem comes if they decline my application - I don't want to think about that unless it happens. Nothin' like last minute.

Doing my last week of my assignment at the Coroner's office, after this week I have a 2 week job making morning and afternoon tea for the corporate office of a concrete firm. Or something. Shall be absolutely thrilling :P The ever challenging environment of office temp work. I found what looks like a great website for a recruitment agency for admin work in London. Keeping my eye on London allows me perspective... all these dodgy jobs ARE for a reason. Anyways. Speaking of dodgy jobs, I have 2 hours til I start shift on my night job so I am going to collapse for a bit.